I used to want to write, but I felt as if I didn't have a voice or anything important to say. This is me trying to prove myself wrong.
I woke up so ridiculously sad this morning.
Ever since I moved back into my apartment everything’s changed, for some glaringly obvious reasons, but also in a lot of minute ways. One thing is my sleeping habits. I haven’t been able to bring myself to put the sheets on the bed. It hurts, for some reason. A lot. The feeling that I can just leave and I haven’t taken claim on the bed is oddly comforting.
Another thing is my personal possessions. There’s three things that I carry on me at all times, in my pockets or in my hands. My phone, my wallet, and my keys. I used to keep them on the desk my ex and I shared, but I haven’t been able to do that for the past month. If I’m in the living room, they stay on the table in there, and if I’m sleeping, they’re on the bed, in easy reach if I needed to get up and leave.
I’m even sleeping the opposite way. I put my head by the window now. What the fuck is that.
I’m not giving my feelings their credit. I am so sad. I am so scared. I am so alone. I am so anxious.
I’m moving in a week. Then everything will be better I think. I think I know that this is the last week I have to do deal with all of this shit. WIth moving away from my hometown, with starting my life over, with going places I’ve never been before.
My fish is dying. Everything’s dying, I feel like. My fear is that I’ll lose everything and gain nothing. But, in reality, I may lose some things, but I can gain so much more. Nothing’s absolutes. I didn’t have everything before and I’m not going to find it later. But that’s ok, there’s comfort in that. No one’s perfect and no one can be. We can find beauty in our imperfections.
This is a pretty long ramble, sorry about that. I remember when I used to sign off my posts with that all the time, guess I’m back.
if i was trapped inside a room filled with explosives and the only way out was to eat a whole tomato i would die
take that Aja and Daniel
Pics or it didn’t happen.
You know that thing when someone like glides their fingers across your back? Like not specifically a back rub but intense finger gliding and just hitting all the right spots? Yea, that’d be great you could like sell those